Indeed I am. It is two of clock in the morning, and I am laying in my bed, doing what is called dreaming. Now; I didn’t think I was dreaming. I didn’t even question what seemed like an obvious truth to me, namely  that I was present in some sort of a big conference building with a lot of bedrooms in it. And as I slowly started to wake up from what I later understood to be a dream, I leaned my head out beyond the curtain covering my bed, and I was shocked to find a bed at the other side of the room with someone in it! I mumbled a “sorry” and quickly took my head back into my little shelter. Who was that? Had I entered someone else’s bedroom in this big conference building or whatever it was? And taking on it; where was I even? Panicking more and more, thinking that the guy in the other bed was going to come and get me, believing that he must have been thinking that I was sneaking into his bedroom at the middle of the night, I really did not know what to do.  But at this moment my brain was starting to speed up, becoming more awake than asleep, and I was beginning to feel a little too familiar in the other man’s room. Wasn’t that my own bag standing over in the corner, there? Wait — this other guy that I was so afraid of; he couldn’t happen to be my younger brother, sleeping in the same room as I? I wrapped up my duvet, held it tight to my chest, and went out of my shelter, entering the room. My brain was still mixing the reality of my dreams so much with the real world that I had to sneak all the way over to him and have a close look; was it really him? Indeed it was! And he was laughing at me, as he immediately  understood that I was sleep walking again. Myself, I still didn’t quite get it, though. How on earth did I get into me and my brothers bedroom, which I obviously still though was in the conference building? I asked my brother, and he told me that I was just being confused, and that I should go back to sleep. Well, I realized that I didn’t have much to stay awake for, since my biggest wish at the moment was to understand where I was, and how on earth I got there. And the more I tried to get my head around  how I got into the room, the more I felt the dream world reality slipping away from me. Eventually I found my duvet, which I, by some random reasoning, had hung over a chair, and went back to sleep. Back into the reality of dreams to try and catch up where I left off.

And believe me; that is not the first time I do silly things like that. And it makes me think. That is; later on — not so much while it is going on, seemingly…

What I find most interesting is the severe panic that I experience while I still don’t understand where I am. If you haven’t experienced this, you won’t understand it. But it occurs to me that it is a crucial thing to us human beings to understand where we are. Donor children, or adopted children that for the first time realize that their parents are not who they thought they were, must experience some of the same panic. They wake up in the middle of the night and realize they don’t understand a single bit about the reality around them.

And to understand what we denote as the reality; isn’t that one of the greatest needs we experience as human beings? Without understanding we feel lost, and indeed we are, too, so therefore we try to understand more and more about the world around us. Sometimes in science we do scientific observations that lead us to accept new world views (i.e. scientific theories), just like the bag I observed in the corner, leading my brain to view the room from a totally new perspective; “this is my own room!”

But I didn’t stop when I realized where I was. I continued to ask myself, and my brother, how I got there. I couldn’t sincerely believe that it was my own room, since I did not understand how I possibly could have got into it while being in the conference building! And that is also where I was fundamentally wrong: I didn’t question my presumptions, since they seemed so obvious to me at that time. But the truth is that there never was any conference room, but in my dreams! I had been in my parents home, in my own room, dreaming strange dreams in my own bed, all the way long.

As human beings we search for answers to life’s biggest questions; “Where are we?”, “How on earth did we get here?” and “Why are we here?”

I think that it is with the answers to these questions as it was with the answers to the questions I ask each time I sleep walk: As I begin to realize the truth, I more and more have to accept it because it makes sense. Not because I have it proven to myself by rigorous scientific methods, but rather because what I realize to be the truth makes sense.If that bag in the corner that particular night was mine, then there should be a shelter 3 feet to the right of that corner, which it was, as I could see. And since the desk end everything else was exactly where it was supposed to be, too, I all of a sudden understood that this had to be my own bedroom — everything made sense it it was! I believe this is a good way to search for the truth in general. When finding the truth; it will reveal itself as making sense. It will put everything in perfect order, and the panic will disappear. It will be like Jesus told the Jews:

and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

(Joh 8:32 NET).

Published by PenOfBen

A seeker of truth.

2 thoughts on “Sleepwalker

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